Spring Fever

Even though I hate being vulnerable and admitting to my weaknesses, I’m totally getting an F in life right now. I have no shows I’m binge-watching on Netflix, I’m dehydrated 200% of the time, and my skin is definitely lacking in brightness. Despite all of this, I have found that I am feeling more Pisces than ever and I just bought new bras, which amps life up to an entirely different plane of existence. Also, I’m getting like, 15,000 steps a day according to my Fitbit, so maybe I’m getting more of a C- in life. In any event, things are looking up, it’s almost summer, and majority of people still find me incredibly annoying, so not much as changed.


This weekend, me and Cara went over to Purdue to visit our gal pals and see John Mulaney (my favorite comedian) do his new stand-up show in Indianapolis. Here, me and Abby looking fierce while posing against a wall. I’m still debating whether or not I look skinny in this picture, so I’ll let ya’ll be the judge.

“I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.” 


Last month, I went to Florida for a week of sun, shopping, and SHRIMP with one of my top home girls, Kate, her mom, and her grandma. I reached peak sunburn levels and ate some truly incredible ice cream, and I now feel the Florida sunset in my heart always.


Mad Men is absolutely my favorite TV show of all time! I feel an extremely real, soulful and spiritual connection to pretty much every character — Peggy is my professional aspirations, Megan is my beauty goals, Betty is my bitch icon and Sally is my teenage dream. Also, I am definitely as insane as Michael Ginsberg, if not more?

Current anthem: “Sucker” by Charli XCX


Rihanna at Coachella is what I want to be when I grow up


Broad City is so perfect! I really could wax poetic about this show for hours at a time. Though it’s similar to Girls, I find that the comedy and earnestness of BC allows it to be more relatable. Likewise, its portrayal of female body positivity isn’t so self-serving and blatant — it just is what it is, and what it is is awesome.

Things I feel [100 emoji] about:

– Being Pisces: This is a totally new feeling for me because, for majority of my life, I’ve been very disconnected from the Pisces agenda — and a Buzzfeed quiz once told me I was a Gemini, so that didn’t help the situation. But I’ve found that being a Pisces relies pretty heavily on being deeply emotional but simultaneously emotionless, which pretty much hits the nail on the head when it comes to me. Though I’m definitely not a “go with the flow” water sign type, I’m seeing more of myself in these Tumblr astrology posts when it comes to Pisces, and that’s progress.

– My tan Old Navy booties: These shoes had to have been created by God and then FedEx next-day shipped to Old Navy because they are truly the workings of a higher power. I wear them pretty much every day and am continually impressed by their durability, cuteness, and ability to make my legs look long. The only downside is that they’re a size too big, but that’s my fault, not yours, Old Navy booties. I love you SO much.

– Sharing things on Facebook: I wish more people shared things on their Facebook profiles. In the past month alone, I’ve shared everything from a funny clip from Late Night to the new True Detective promo. Just mere minutes ago, I shared a cute picture of Dave and James Franco. I love enriching others with articles that I find interesting or short videos that are funny. Social media is the Millennials window to the soul, and I want everyone to share their soul with me.

– Dunkin Donuts: There are no words for my obsession with this coffee. I normally go for a medium French Vanilla coffee, black, with two Splendas, but sometimes I go for iced coffee if I’m feeling like a true bitch. Me and Cara sometimes go after work and drink coffee at 10 PM and do homework, and it is truly a delightful space of time to share in a friendship.

– Scott motherfucking Eastwood: I just saw The Longest Ride this afternoon and while it was easily one of the stupidest plots I’ve ever sat through (THAT ENDING!), I feel free admitting I legitimately had tears come to my eyes when I saw this man’s face. I think he transcends all former notions I had of what boys are supposed to look like. I think he is a new species of human. I think we, as the human race, don’t deserve him.


Here I am, the emoji bitch!

I hate Jason Derulo so so much, but this song is magic wrapped in fire sprinkled with diamond dust.


I am deeply troubled by the loss of Zayn Malik from One Direction. However, I guess I can understand why someone would want to escape the drudgery of incredible wealth, millions of hot girls, and the aesthetic beauty of a Greek god. Everyone has their lifestyle preferences. I wish you luck in your new life, Zayn, and, as a boy once told me via Snapchat, “At least Harry is still there.”

“In my head I describe the feeling as a wave, the scouring emptiness, like a shell that has been washed entirely clean of its old mucous self and exists only as an outline of its contents. Eventually even that feeling recedes into a sea of other feelings. Eventually I feel nothing except for myself burning and burning away.”

I found this quote on Tumblr, and I feel so strongly about it: “Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.”


Me in a nutshell.

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#Thankful

I’m excited to announce that I think I’ve officially become a “thankful” person.

I associate gratitude with weakness the same way that people associate peanut butter with jelly, so this is actually huge progress on my journey to becoming an Actual Feeling Human Being. Emotions are real! The world is turning!

Of course, I am still a cold robot, but sometimes life gets good, like a well-written episode of Mad Men, and you just gotta ride the wave until you get paranoid that something bad is going to happen at any second and kill your vibe. While you’re riding the wave, might as well say, “Hey, this is a good thing. I feel happy about this. Thanks, Universe, for this moment in time where everything is nice.”

Anyways, how can you not at least be a little bit thankful for your life when there are things that exist out there like pugs and Harry Styles and deep-dish pizza and Sex and The City re-runs that play while you run on the treadmill? Is there really anything more you can ask for? Aside from a frozen yogurt machine that dispenses directly into your mouth with no repercussions, of course.

I don’t even know how to elegantly articulate how much I love “Blank Space” and how much I need it in my life at all times. This is also my formal plea for Taylor Swift to bring her music back to Spotify. I thought, because I don’t use Spotify, I wouldn’t be affected by this drama, but when you can’t bump “Blank Space” at a party because it’s unavailable to be streamed, it ruins literally everything. I feel so strongly about this. Please bring Taylor Swift back to Spotify.


Here it is, everybody: the most perfectly executed bitch face of all time. I want to achieve this someday. I hope in the future, my face just naturally falls into this exact look.

“Both. Just say I’ve got an allergy to cheap Champagne. Tell them exactly that. I have acid reflux, and unless it’s really good bubbles, I’m not going to take that!” He shakes his head and laughs. “But please don’t sell that too well. Make sure they know it’s a joke. They’ll really think I’m an asshole.” 


About a month ago, I made a spontaneous decision to travel from NYC to CHI via Megabus and surprise my family and friends for Thanksgiving. It was SO fun, but some of the most LOL-worthy moments occurred, surprisingly, while en route. It’s basically the travel nightmare that you would assume, but if you’re looking forward to something at the end of it, it isn’t as bad. An old Russian woman next to me got in a screaming match with the bus drivers, someone threw up within the first two hours, there was a dog on the bus, and at one rest stop, they were selling L. Ron Hubbard DVDs. Apparently, Scientology is huge in Ohio. The entire bus ride took nineteen hours, and when I finally got to my front door, no one in my family was even home, but at least I got frozen yogurt later that night and got to enjoy the well of joyful emotions that exist only in Costco stores the next day.


Per Emerson family tradition, we hit the mean streets of suburban Illinois at 3 AM on Black Friday to help the economy/get some bangin department store deals. We also were Danby Station’s first customers of the day at 6 AM, because we will do anything for food from the best restaurant in Glen Ellyn, IL. I was awake for a full 23 hours, 12 of which were spent shopping. I’m a survivor.

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Since there’s nowhere to cook on campus/I only eat rabbit food, I spend at least 90% of my time blankly staring at delicious food on Pinterest, bookmarking it and then literally never cooking it ever. But I want to drown myself in this sweet corn, zucchini, and fresh mozzarella pizza. 

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It’s a stalemate to see who will cut their hair first and neither of us are caving.

“Eve then says that we should make this T-Swift-inspired class ‘a thing,’ but alas she will be in the Hamptons next week. I will be in suburbia for the holiday weekend eating Chinese takeout and wearing flannel pajama pants, but that is neither here nor there.”


My parents came to visit the second weekend of November and it was truly a delight. We got a round of Salty Pimps at the best ice cream place in the world, Big Gay Ice Cream Shop, and also met Bradley Cooper outside of his broadway show after seeing him perform. This is truly what it means to “live the dream.”

Selena Gomez’s monologue at the beginning of this song is also how I feel about Justin Bieber. I KNOW HIM.

Maybe if you live under a rock (aka don’t follow me on Twitter) you wouldn’t know that 1D has a new album out. BUT THEY DO AND IT’S PERFECT FROM START TO FINISH. Me and my journalistic companion Kiley Roache will be having a listening session in the coming days, but you should pre-game our analysis with a little “Girl Almighty”.

“I know a lot of people are probably so thrown by how serious we’re taking this boy band, but loving them is no different than obsessing over any other act we value for some arbitrary ideal of authenticity. There’s nothing more fun than loving something, and boy bands are one of the the only sets of artists that require you to love the whole package: from music to personalities to all the baggage they can muster.”

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I think Harry Styles is calling me out via tattoo

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Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

I ♥ New York

I’ve officially been living in Manhattan for almost 4 weeks and it’s been THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE. I basically get to do everything I’ve always wanted to do when I lived in the suburbs, which includes: walk to Soho, eat amazing food, visit my ladies at the Huffington Post, spend so much money, see celebrities, go to fun tapings, movies and concerts, and live as a strong, independent, sassy bitch. Also, I have to do a lot of school work, but don’t kill my vibe.

To be perfectly cliche, I’M LIVING OUT MY DAMN DREAMS. Hopefully soon Harry Styles will start cooking and cleaning and singing me to sleep in my dorm. Basically, anything can happen in NYC.

Here are some of my favorite things this month:


Say what you will about Kim and Kanye, but they are a POWER COUPLE and their combined style is amazing. F the haters.

“The list of things that keep me up at night includes but is not limited to: appendicitis, typhoid, leprosy, unclean meat, foods I haven’t seen emerge from their packaging, foods my mother hasn’t tasted first so that if we die we die together, homeless people, headaches, rape, kidnapping, milk, the subway, sleep.”

Buzzfeed had an accomplished bartender mix celebrity-inspired drinks. The Taylor Swift is on point.

Feeling oh so #blessed that I get to see the critically-acclaimed Whiplash at the New York Film Festival at the end of this month.

Here’s my take on the selfie: a selfie is the best kind of photo there is, primarily because you can manipulate the camera anyway you want to give you a picture that you’re happy with. People that talk shit about selfies probably just don’t know how to take a good one. Take as many selfies as your heart desires and never apologize!


Brangelina wedding is everything.


I started a new blog recapping every episode of Saved By The Bell. I only have one post as of right now (school is crazy busy) but hopefully this weekend I can get it fully up and running: http://www.bloggedbythebell.com




Last night we went into midtown, ate pizza, saw Ed Sheeran sing “Don’t” live at Radio City Music Hall (my first time ever being there!) and then basically had a night of exploring. New York City is kinda pretty I guess.


I know I blog about him a lot, but Dane Dehaan is on a different damn level as Lucien Carr in Kill Your Darlings.

Matty Healy from The 1975 is one of the most earnest and giving performers. Also he’s drunk as shit and he sounds *amaze* on one of my fave tracks, “Talk”. I swoon.

Last week I met Michael Cera after seeing his Broadway debut, This is Our Youth. It was nice. I’m in love with him.


No.

Tonight I was lucky enough to get tickets to a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman! They made it very clear to us that it’s a big deal to go at this point since it’s Dave’s last season, and not even they know when his last show will be. It was so funny, he’s an incredibly awesome guy, and I got to see my love Mindy Kaling in the flesh. Overall 10/10, would recommend.


“Don’t let people cast you as a side character in your relationships, in your jobs, in your life.”


Get this shit away from me.

My personal mantra

Chris Pratt is my everything, and Guardians of the Galaxy was the film of the damn summer. Don’t ever fight me on this.

Everything has changed and yet I am more me than I’ve ever been. – Iain Thomas

I’m still terrible

It’s December, and my quality of living is still pretty low. This week is especially off to a bangin’ start, as I’ve had heartburn for 3 days straight and cannot remove my eyeballs from the torture that is College Confidential. My life has become an endless cycle of 30 Rock, pretzel crisps, and One Direction, so I’m obviously the worst person alive right now, but at least I’m a getting a little bit more Lemon-y everyday.

Being a neurotic idiot presents itself with the unique challenge of balancing bad jokes with true, genuine human fear, so I’m walking the tightrope on a pretty regular basis. I love my life, and it’s totally awesome, but sometimes I wish my brain could just give me, like, a two-minute break. Even in my dreams, I’m aware that I’m dreaming, and I try to start plotting out ways to make things go better. Inception has done a lot for me, but not always in great ways.

Again, my life is totally privileged, and I appreciate that I can have things like Netflix and food and classes with smart people who patronize me in a loving way. December signals the holiday season, so I’m especially grateful that my family is gung-ho on decorating and giving gifts and eating good food. While I wish that my desire to spice it up with a little Judaism was respected (DAD), it’s always been nice and comforting to grow up with people who really believe in something like Christmas. Not exactly the religious aspect, but the celebration and togetherness of it all. It definitely gives me something to be less blah about.

Here are the things that are keeping me (mildly) sane this month:

I want to cuddle up with Zayn Malik when he wears turtlenecks. He gives off a very James Dean-y vibe, no? This is my favorite song off of their new album, Midnight Memories, which is basically this whole big testament to being on the cusp of adulthood and being angsty and lovely at the same time. This is their first time performing “Through the Dark” live, and I think they did an excellent job.

Teen queen Tavi Gevinson‘s December Editor’s Letter reminds me why I love to write. As someone who isn’t incredibly nostalgic about high school, she made me feel something. Incredible.

I just came across Zuhair Murad‘s s/s 2007 line on Tumblr, and I’m blown away. Wish I had stumbled upon it earlier. This look especially caught my eye — it’s delicate and lacy, yet still gives off a strong and feminine vibe. File under ‘Things I need a time machine for’.

Girls is one of my favorite television shows, because I want to be Lena Dunham. That short clip of her crying in her cubicle is basically me, whenever I’m watching something from Upworthy.com. Plus, Adam Driver is a great actor, and isn’t too hard on the eyes.

All I want for Christmas is Harry Styles and his indie sunglasses and multitude of flannels and head-wraps.

 

 

This is the shit that gives me LIFE.

Jennifer Lawrence is the queen of the world. In the words of B.J. Novak:

 

 

8tracks lead me to The Vamps, an adorable British band (slightly boy-band-ish, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt for the time being) who just nails it on every level.

Bless whoever made this, and bless both the hotness of the Beckham family and the uncanny resemblance between David and Liam Payne.

Paul Rudd + One Direction + so many guest stars = I am forever changed.

Current obsession: Pop Danthology 2013. Especially love the “Wrecking Ball”-“Locked Out of Heaven”-“I Knew You Were Trouble” bit.

Enjoy life, and be less like me!