Ham 4 Biz

This weekend, I had the EXTREME pleasure of seeing the wonderful Hamilton: An American Musical on Broadway. Listening to the original cast recording album is a truly magical and deeply spiritual experience for me, so to be there in person far surpassed Cloud Nine. It was like Cloud Ten Billion.

Because getting tickets to Hamilton is about as rare as Taylor Swift having any chill, I thought I’d share some of my feelings, thoughts, and favorite moments from both my short trip to NYC and from the performance itself. Many people who see Hamilton have written similar blog posts, but, as we’ve learned, I am an incredibly unique and special snowflake, and my voice MUST be heard, and it MUST be louder than everyone else’s, and I am never wrong, ever.

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Getting the Fam on board for Ham

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It’s no secret that when I love something, it’s important to me that:

A) Everyone knows I love it, passionately, and more than anyone else has loved something, ever, and

B) You love it too, but not as much as me, never as much as me.

This has typically worked for me in the past. Case in point: my parents went to a One Direction concert, without me, last August. Just two fifty-year old, childless, fully grown adults, at a One Direction concert. My impact.

Hamilton was no exception. At first, my efforts were subtle:

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As my love grew, I made more in-your-face attempts at getting my #ArguablyUncultured family into it, but this continued to be way more tasking than I hoped:

However, things started looking up when I pressed Hamilton onto my dad. This works because, in my opinion, my dad thinks I am the Most Interesting and Coolest Person Who has Ever Lived, so he’s most likely to listen to me when I say something’s good shit. I love you, dad, but you are a bandwagoner till the bitter end. If something is Cool, this dude has “known about it for months,” like a disgusting hipster.

I started with just an obscene amount of Hamil-talk, meaning endless, unsolicited chatter about “Lin did this!” and “Sometimes I actually feel kinda bad for Aaron Burr!”, as if my family even knows who the F Lin-Manuel Miranda is (the creator/star of Hamilton and high-key a MacArthur Genius Grant, Tony Award, and Pulitzer Prize recipient, for the dum dums reading this). My dad claimed he’d seen the cast perform at the White House in March…

…But I’m pretty sure the deal was sealed when I sent him the original “Alexander Hamilton” performance from 2006:

I never had any expectation of seeing Hamilton on Broadway, let alone with majority of the original broadway cast performing. At times, I can be a realist to a fault, and I knew that going to NYC was a very unreal dream that existed only in my painful imagination. But, the ghost/spirit/astrological demon that’s running my life worked some voodoo magic, and my parents decided that my Hamilton game was too strong, and we planned our little trip!

Here’s the cheesy part that I obviously have to include: I am very grateful for my parents and the special things they do for me, and this is easily in the Top Five Most Special, sandwiched between #1: Taking Me to Cinque Terre, and #3: Being Real Fucking Chill About Me Wanting To Transfer Schools Mid-Semester. Insert twenty billion heart-eyes emojis here.

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History is happening in Manhattan and we just happen to be in the Greatest City in the World

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Knowing Lin, Leslie Odom Jr., and Phillipa Soo would all be stepping down from their roles in Hamilton on July 9th, we whipped our asses into shape and planned our 24-hour trip to NYC just about a week in advance of the show, on June 25th. I had no problem with the turn-around and was more lit than ever. I could tell you the order each song is performed in the play, backwards and forwards, and I ALMOST have Lafayette’s “Guns and Ships” rap down, so it wasn’t as if I had to get any more acquainted with the material.

Dad listened throughout the week prior to showtime, and we had some fun discourse on what he was liking. I’ve been trying to convince him for awhile that the Hamilton soundtrack is actually surprisingly enjoyable to run to (those beats get me in the BEST type of rhythm), but I think he’s still on the fence about it.

In any event, the morning of the 25th, dad and I went for a 5 AM 5k run (I crushed his time, but that’s neither here nor there), crushed some apple cider vinegar shots, had a chaotic time in O’Hare Airport traffic (s/o to mom for turning around on the highway to drop us spontaneously at the blue-line station so we could catch a train into ORD), and EVENTUALLY made our way to New York City!

This was very exciting for me especially, as I haven’t visited the city since I left in February of 2015. I was a little nervous that being in Manhattan would be sad for me, but it was really the opposite. While I love NYC, I am so happy with my life at Mizzou, and this trip just reminded me how lucky and willing I would be to move back into the city post-grad.

Once in the city, we decided to walk from our hotel in Midtown to the Stonewall Inn. It was a lovely stroll and seeing the Inn was awesome, especially considering the recent attack at Pulse in Orlando, as well as it being Pride Month/Week. The vigil was beautiful and it was very moving to see how NYC was supporting the LGBT community. We both agreed we were glad we visited.

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On our walk back to the hotel, we also visited the New York Public Library, which I had never been inside before. As luck would have it, an Alexander Hamilton exhibit opened on June 24th, so we swooped in and checked it out. I’ve been reading Ron Chernow’s Hamilton biography (SO good, btw, and I am usually bored to tears by American history), so it was SUPER cool to see the actual print versions of Hamilton’s “A Farmer Refuted” essay, as well as one of the original Reynolds Pamphlets. There was also Philip Hamilton’s death announcement (RIP), and a letter Hamilton had written to his wife Eliza, and I loved reading both. I wanted to take pictures inside, but no one else was, so I got scared, but it was a very awesome historical gem. If you find yourself in New York, I HIGHLY recommend stopping in — even better, it’s 100% free! Rejoice, broke college students!

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In the morning on the 26th, we went for a run back to the Stonewall Inn. It was cool to be there before the Pride Parade began, and to know how influential this very spot was in the LGBT movement. Also, it was the one-year anniversary of SCOTUS ruling gay marriage legal in all fifty states, so it was very fitting we were able to visit one last time. We took the same route back to our hotel and passed a homeless man who had his dick out in broad daylight — New York City is a place of glamour and class. It was an excellent five-mile run.

Bizzfeed

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My Foodstagram is still a smashing success (in my eyes, okay?!) and this weekend we munched on some bomb snacks. Although I couldn’t get any aesthetically-pleasing photos, we had a, in my dad’s words, “dee-lish-us” lunch at Tortaria, where we split cauliflower tacos, medium-spicy guacamole, chips, and a frozen strawberry margarita. Tortaria is one of my fav East Village Eats, so when we stumbled upon it on our way to Stonewall, it was kind of a no-brainer to stop in. Low-key, this was one of the best meals of my life. Idk if it was because I ran 3.1 miles, drank a black iced coffee, and then rode on a plane in high altitude, but this meal just did it for me. I ❤ you, Mexican Food.

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We then went to another fan favorite, Big Gay Ice Cream Shop. Due to Pride Week, there was a pretty long line outside, but it was completely and totally worth it. We both got Salty Pimps (aka vanilla soft-serve covered in dulce de leche, sea salt, and dipped in chocolate) and it was….so….beautiful….

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For dinner, we originally planned on trying the eggplant steamed buns at Ippudo, but after realizing we probably wouldn’t be able to get a table for two on a Saturday night in New York City, we opted for the restaurant/bar inside the Paramount Hotel, across the street from the Richard Rogers theater. While the Cobb salad was just OK and the service sucked total ass, we weren’t too worked up about it because we saw this bitch from Pretty Little Liars:

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Part of me wanted to say to her, “Girl, Pretty Little Liars sucks, so bad….but I loved you in Spring Breakers!!!”, but when she wasn’t playing on her phone, she was getting real intimate with her boyfriend (who didn’t LOOK like Ryan Good, Bieber’s old swag coach, but I think it may have been him, and I was kind of more excited about him than her, if I’m being honest with you), so I figured I would leave her alone. I also didn’t want to embarrass my dad by being a crazy fan. Instead, I kind of flipped my hair as I walked past them, and my boob almost fell out of my top, so I think I probably made a lasting impression. She probably said, “That girl is cool, she’s chic…not only do I want her to be my best friend, but I would also like her to play a corpse on Pretty Little Liars.”

Hamilton, aka Three Hours of Sweating

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As we were enjoying the bread basket at dinner, my dad got very serious, and quietly said to me, “I hate to disappoint you, but…Renee Elise Goldsberry isn’t going to be playing Angelica Schuyler tonight.” Me, being the psycho person I am, said, loudly, “Why would you say that to me?!” To which he calmly responded, “Because she’s sitting in the booth over there eating dinner.”

Sure enough, that Tony Award-winning bitch was barely 10 feet away from us! This was especially thrilling, but also sad, as we then realized we wouldn’t get to see her belt “Satisfied,” which is one of my favorite songs from Hamilton. Once we got to the theater, we also found out that Leslie Odom Jr. wouldn’t be performing as Aaron Burr. While it’s impossible to say there were any downsides to seeing Hamilton on Broadway, this definitely hurt my heart a little bit. Okay, a lotta bit. But we (I) regrouped quickly (screamed inside then punched my inner demon in the face) and got pumped because we were IN THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS.

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I don’t know if it was my anxiety about Leslie and Renee not performing, or just my excitement, but it is then that I began SWEATING like a whore in church!!!!! At about 8:05 the lights went down and my heart rate was not just in the cardio zone. It was in the motherfucking PEAK. I was probably clocking in at well over 150 BPM. Honestly….this might be a sign that my heart health is a bit wacky, but the most important thing is that I got HELLA HEART EYES FOR HAMILTON.

Okay, I’ll break down the rest of the best in list form (because, listicles):

– Austin Smith was dope as Burr. Even though he’s one of my favorite characters in the production and Leslie Odom Jr. is one of my OG Smash crushes, Austin Smith crushed it. Alysha Deslorieux was also so great as Angelica! Nooo complaints about understudies, they were both very good.

– I went into CARDIAC. ARREST. when I saw Anthony Ramos, better known by my Twitter followers as “That Guy I’m In Love With From Hamilton”:

I don’t know why I am so attracted to him, but damn…he’s got The Look…and a girlfriend, who is actually also in the production, but we’re being chill about it, ok people?

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– The tears were real when I saw Lin for the first time because like ??? He’s real??? Seems fake but ok

– People Who I Knew Were Talented But Had Me Like “DAMN DANIEL”: Okieriete Onaodowan, Phillipa Soo, Jasmine Cephas-Jones

– My dad’s fave character was George Washington, a valid choice

– Goes without saying probs but “Dear Theodosia” ROCKED. MY. SOUL.

– I was so vibing on Daveed Diggs as the Marquis de Lafayette because that French accent is tres hot but he was on a NEW. LEVEL. as Thomas Jefferson. I just wanted him on stage the entire time. He has so much energy and dude’s got bars

– On that note I think my favorite song was “What’d I Miss” but you bet your ass I got into my feelings for “Blow Us All Away” because #ThatGuyImObsessedWithFromHamilton

– I never paid much attention to songs from the second act before, but I was living for it all! I really enjoyed the Cabinet Battles especially, and “Burn” (which I deeply relate to because, like Eliza burning her letters from Hamilton, I delete entire text conversations between me and people who have hurt me) and “It’s Quiet Uptown” had me like

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– Was also lookin like the Michael Jordan crying meme when Philip Hamilton passes away (“dies” is just too harsh for my fragile heart!!) because, #ThatGuyImObsessedWithFromHamilton

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– Chills during “Satisfied,” obviously

– King George was so fun. I tend to skip his songs when casually listening but me and my dad had some good Brexit-related LOLs

– At intermission I was like “It’s so hot in here!!” and my dad was like “…No it’s not…” and at the end I was literally dripping in sweat, because, idk, my body was overheating from excitement, like a cute robot character in Wall-E

– Lin is perfect, I want to bottle his spirit and wear it around my neck, like a less scary version of a vial of blood

– I always get very freaky emo when I listen to “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story” because it depresses the fuck outta me that Hamilton cheated on Eliza and humiliated her ass and then when he dies she turns around and builds his legacy. I’m like, homegirl, I hold grudges over boys not Snapchatting me back………….nevertheless, I get super emotional when she talks about creating the first orphanage in NYC and how she helps “raise hundreds of children…I get to see them growing up, in their eyes I see you, Alexander, I see you every time” because HER SON DIED and so now she watches other kids grow and double jeopardy because HER HUSBAND WAS AN ORPHAN….Omg I had the LC mascara tear on LOCK when they performed this

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– But THEN I was crying even harder when it ended because I didn’t want it to be over and I just wanted to hit the rewind button and do it all over again!!!!!!!

Although it was a short trip, we had the most incredible time in New York City and seeing Hamilton! We spent all of Sunday (from 8 AM until 3 PM) waiting in LaGuardia Airport due to a major flight delay, but we agreed that it was completely worth it, since it meant we got to see Lin-Manuel Miranda sing “My Shot” live and in the flesh. WE DID NOT THROW AWAY OUR SHOT!!!

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Year in Review: 2014

I made it another year on this toxic earth!!! Years are so long and I’m so tired of life on a constant basis, but I had so much fun and was happy like a kitten in the sun for most of 2014. Yes, I cry a lot and yes, I’m literally a high-functioning goth, but I’ve been listening to an almost inappropriate amount of Taylor Swift and that kind of balances me out.

Here’s to another year of singing “Blank Space” dramatically when alone in the car, eating deep dish pizza, not changing the months on my calendar ever, and trying to get my friends to hold hands with me in public because I like being held.

My 2014 Year in Review:

The most important thing that happened to me this year, obviously, was leaving for college and starting a brand-new life in New York City. On the grand scale of the world, I see myself as a very small rat, so being in the city is weird.

Other important life changes: Dyed my hair upwards of 10 times, painted my nails the same color for four straight months, wore jeans a lot more than I wanted to, got a variety of intense and unexplained bruises, had to take two showers a day to stay warm, and picked up a new eye twitch in my lower right lid. One thing that remained the same: I am always pale.

I saw so many life-affirming and life-changing pieces of entertainment in 2014:

Boyhood easily became one of my favorite movies of all time. For being such a huge, sprawling film, it still manages to feel very quaint and intimate and personal. I want to wrap myself up in this movie like a warm blanket and just sit there and never ever have to move ever again. That’s how Boyhood makes you feel.

I really like to pimp out my love of Guardians of the Galaxy all over the internet, and in real life, too, because it’s the best Marvel movie of all time! Okay, maybe that’s a big statement, but F what you heard about The Avengers — this squad is prime. Set to a galactic backdrop, it’s the most colorful comic book film in recent memory, with bursts of vibrant purples and greens, and can we talk about the soundtrack? Also, I cried like a little bb when Chris Pratt opened the gift from his dead mom and his sweet eyes filled with tears as “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” played.

Have we discussed how I am Amazing Amy? I am such a crazy bitch! I want to Gone Girl myself! Amy Dunne gets such a bad rep for being an insane murderer, but I kind of think she’s fierce as hell (disclaimer: not promoting murderers here, just appreciate a powerful woman). Gone Girl wasn’t just a highlight of my year — it changed my life.

This is also one of my most favorite scenes ever in a movie (but Whiplash is filled with gripping, memorable scenes that I wish I could play over and over for the rest of my life):

2014 was also cool because we had FOUR SNOW DAYS!!!! Remembering this is very weird, because knowing I was still in high school for most of last year is very weird. Life is very weird! I’m very weird! And that’s why I’ll probably never find love.

Speaking of never finding love, 2014 was THE YEAR OF THE JUICE CLEANSE. For three days last January, I put my life and well-being on the line in the name of liquid kale, and it was both magical and deathly. I did it two times again later in the year, and here is my pro-tip: DON’T DO IT.

Amazing TV shows I binge-watched in 2014Veep, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, True Detective, Girls, Moone Boy, 30 Rock, Scrubs. Socially, I think this was the year I peaked!

Some things in pop culture that made me LOL/cry this year:

– Zac Efron breaking his jaw after “slipping on water from the fountain in his house”

– Justin Bieber getting arrested

– Pharrell’s hat

– The McConnaisance

– The Lego Movie

– Almost anything Selena Gomez did

– Bob Costas having pink eye while doing Sochi coverage, Sochi coverage, Sochi in general

– Barkhad Abdi

– The Oscars selfie that no one even offered to photoshop me into

– ADELE DAZEEM

– When Frank Ocean squared up against Chipotle

– Zac Efron getting in a punching brawl with a homeless man on Skid Row in LA

– Being so annoyed during every second of The Fault In Our Stars and then crying like a big idiot for a few hours after it ended

– Everyone finally realizing that How I Met Your Mother is pretty much the shittiest thing on television

– Conscious uncoupling

– Lindsay Lohan’s sex list being real

– Adam Driver running a fight club while in high school

– The new adorable little rolling droid from Star Wars VII

– Ben Affleck getting kicked out of a casino for counting cards

– When James Franco literally stopped giving a damn

– The amount of time it took for Johnny Football to be drafted to the Browns, Johnny Football and everything he chooses to be

– Zac Efron’s character in Neighbors having an entire season of Girls saved to his DVR

– When Solange squared up against Jay Z in the elevator

– Miles Teller doing the same juice cleanse as me (S/O TO SUJA!)

– That moment when I found out Eddie Redmayne was playing Stephen Hawking and I was so confused but then I saw The Theory of Everything and cried a million tears

– Rob Kardashian not attending Kim’s wedding 😦 BUT THE KIMYE WEDDING IN GENERAL!!!

– 2/5 of One Direction smokin weed and filming it

– Harry Styles becoming a kabalist because of course that makes sense

– Miley Cyrus going absolutely insane over the death of her dog Floyd

– Chris Martin ending his vegetarianism post-breakup from GOOP

– Jonah Hill officiating Adam Levine’s wedding

– Chris Pratt french braiding hair

– KIM K HOLLYWOOD THE BEST IPHONE GAME OF OUR TIME

– Justin Bieber nominating Obama for the Ice Bucket Challenge

– Hello Kitty being a girl and not a cat

– Brangelina wedding

– Every single fucking thing Ariana Grande did

– Pete Davidson

– Marnie the Dog’s rise to fame

– Nicki Minaj’s new album

– PETER PAN LIVE

– Kate Middleton getting pregnant again

– Taylor Swift’s birthday party

– And everything that occurred with The Interview, INCLUDING The Interview itself.

One of my favorite things in 2014 were my friends. Never before have I been included in a group of people who are so unabashedly supportive and loving, and I’m constantly worried that my self-hatred/pessimism/angst is too much for them (LOL). Every time I screw up (all the time!) they are the first people to send a heart emoji or get ice cream with me. Because of what they do for me, I’m able to start being better to myself, and that’s also a change in my life. I am so unironically #blessed to be loved in this way, and I hope in 2015, I can be a better friend to them.

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Maybe this is weird to talk about because weight is “weird” but I lost 25 pounds in 2014 between July and December (but I didn’t actually start actively trying to lose weight until October)! Honestly, it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I legitimately think I am addicted to food, but I’m sure it’ll be “rewarding” in the long run. I also feel more beautiful so I guess that’s good! But don’t worry, my self-confidence is still very very low, almost nonexistent.

Taylor Swift has obviously run my life since I was 11-years-old, but I think she hit me hardest in 2014. 1989 is one of the most bombass albums of our generation, and it has changed me into the woman I am today. The song I feel most strongly about is (duh) “Blank Space,” because I am very emotional when it comes to boys and their Snapchat best friends. Also, for the first time, I feel like I can relate to Taylor Swift songs, which is literally insane because how could I ever relate to a Taylor Swift song, I am not a small white cat or someone who is worthy of being loved.

2014 was also the year I went to three One Direction concerts, and it was a delight. I hope I am at a level of being in which no one can make fun of me for how much I love One Direction anymore, since I am so confident and forthcoming in my passion for Harry Styles and his long flowing hair. Why is his hair nicer than me? How much does his shampoo cost? Is it Yves Saint Laurent like everything else he owns?

Overall, 2014 was a pretty great year, and though filled with ups and downs, I will treasure it in my heart forever. 2015 has already been the hardest year of my life (AND WE’RE ONLY A MONTH IN, SO IT CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE, RIGHT? NO I’M NOT SWEATING) so being able to look back on fun memories fills my heart with joy, like I’ve just eaten a Portillo’s chopped salad. Thanks to everyone who supported me in 2014, whether it was with school work, reading my blog or my articles, responding to my Snapchats or complimenting me on my tweets; your support means the absolute world to me always. A lot of people often say to me, “I wish I had your life!!!” but trust me, my feet are always cold and I once awkwardly yelled, “MILES TELLER, CAN I HAVE A HIGH-FIVE????”

Happy 2015!

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#Thankful

I’m excited to announce that I think I’ve officially become a “thankful” person.

I associate gratitude with weakness the same way that people associate peanut butter with jelly, so this is actually huge progress on my journey to becoming an Actual Feeling Human Being. Emotions are real! The world is turning!

Of course, I am still a cold robot, but sometimes life gets good, like a well-written episode of Mad Men, and you just gotta ride the wave until you get paranoid that something bad is going to happen at any second and kill your vibe. While you’re riding the wave, might as well say, “Hey, this is a good thing. I feel happy about this. Thanks, Universe, for this moment in time where everything is nice.”

Anyways, how can you not at least be a little bit thankful for your life when there are things that exist out there like pugs and Harry Styles and deep-dish pizza and Sex and The City re-runs that play while you run on the treadmill? Is there really anything more you can ask for? Aside from a frozen yogurt machine that dispenses directly into your mouth with no repercussions, of course.

I don’t even know how to elegantly articulate how much I love “Blank Space” and how much I need it in my life at all times. This is also my formal plea for Taylor Swift to bring her music back to Spotify. I thought, because I don’t use Spotify, I wouldn’t be affected by this drama, but when you can’t bump “Blank Space” at a party because it’s unavailable to be streamed, it ruins literally everything. I feel so strongly about this. Please bring Taylor Swift back to Spotify.


Here it is, everybody: the most perfectly executed bitch face of all time. I want to achieve this someday. I hope in the future, my face just naturally falls into this exact look.

“Both. Just say I’ve got an allergy to cheap Champagne. Tell them exactly that. I have acid reflux, and unless it’s really good bubbles, I’m not going to take that!” He shakes his head and laughs. “But please don’t sell that too well. Make sure they know it’s a joke. They’ll really think I’m an asshole.” 


About a month ago, I made a spontaneous decision to travel from NYC to CHI via Megabus and surprise my family and friends for Thanksgiving. It was SO fun, but some of the most LOL-worthy moments occurred, surprisingly, while en route. It’s basically the travel nightmare that you would assume, but if you’re looking forward to something at the end of it, it isn’t as bad. An old Russian woman next to me got in a screaming match with the bus drivers, someone threw up within the first two hours, there was a dog on the bus, and at one rest stop, they were selling L. Ron Hubbard DVDs. Apparently, Scientology is huge in Ohio. The entire bus ride took nineteen hours, and when I finally got to my front door, no one in my family was even home, but at least I got frozen yogurt later that night and got to enjoy the well of joyful emotions that exist only in Costco stores the next day.


Per Emerson family tradition, we hit the mean streets of suburban Illinois at 3 AM on Black Friday to help the economy/get some bangin department store deals. We also were Danby Station’s first customers of the day at 6 AM, because we will do anything for food from the best restaurant in Glen Ellyn, IL. I was awake for a full 23 hours, 12 of which were spent shopping. I’m a survivor.

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Since there’s nowhere to cook on campus/I only eat rabbit food, I spend at least 90% of my time blankly staring at delicious food on Pinterest, bookmarking it and then literally never cooking it ever. But I want to drown myself in this sweet corn, zucchini, and fresh mozzarella pizza. 

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It’s a stalemate to see who will cut their hair first and neither of us are caving.

“Eve then says that we should make this T-Swift-inspired class ‘a thing,’ but alas she will be in the Hamptons next week. I will be in suburbia for the holiday weekend eating Chinese takeout and wearing flannel pajama pants, but that is neither here nor there.”


My parents came to visit the second weekend of November and it was truly a delight. We got a round of Salty Pimps at the best ice cream place in the world, Big Gay Ice Cream Shop, and also met Bradley Cooper outside of his broadway show after seeing him perform. This is truly what it means to “live the dream.”

Selena Gomez’s monologue at the beginning of this song is also how I feel about Justin Bieber. I KNOW HIM.

Maybe if you live under a rock (aka don’t follow me on Twitter) you wouldn’t know that 1D has a new album out. BUT THEY DO AND IT’S PERFECT FROM START TO FINISH. Me and my journalistic companion Kiley Roache will be having a listening session in the coming days, but you should pre-game our analysis with a little “Girl Almighty”.

“I know a lot of people are probably so thrown by how serious we’re taking this boy band, but loving them is no different than obsessing over any other act we value for some arbitrary ideal of authenticity. There’s nothing more fun than loving something, and boy bands are one of the the only sets of artists that require you to love the whole package: from music to personalities to all the baggage they can muster.”

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I think Harry Styles is calling me out via tattoo

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Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

~ Fall Feelings ~

The idea of fall is so good. Like, SO GOOD, guys! But right now I’m wearing a flannel shirt and sweating and also thinking about pizza so, really, is it even fall at all?

I’m weirdly beginning to feel feelings that I’ve never felt before (maybe I’m just emoting for the first time ever?) and I’m wondering if I’m finally reaching some sort of “adult” status. For example, I was home in Illinois this weekend, and it was great, but there was definitely something weird going on. I felt like I was in someone else’s house, trying to live someone else’s life. I’m pretty sure this is what Wife Swap feels like. The first night I was home, my friends came over and we all talked about our brand new lives, and after they left, I felt like crying. WE’RE JUST ALL LIVING BRAND NEW LIVES, OKAY? IT’S SO CONFUSING.

I’m definitely falling into the situation where “home” is a completely new concept. Is New York City my home, or is Glen Ellyn? I don’t know how to do this, but I’m glad that I get to figure it all out in the best place on Earth. Walking through the city is the most sacred thing to me. Especially when it’s raining and I’m listening to Taylor Swift and thinking about all my life’s mistakes.

Anyways, maybe once it stops being sweaty in the subway, I’ll be able to experience the autumnal vibes. Until then:


Literally me.

My favorite New York experience so far is 100% the New York Film Festival. The atmosphere is like nothing you’ve ever experienced, industry greats are literally EVERYWHERE, and you get the opportunity to see some amazing films. It really is the reason Lincoln Center is my favorite place in the city. I was lucky enough to snag a last-minute ticket to the world premiere of Gone Girl (absolutely life-changing) and a ticket (with a surprise Q+A!!!) to Whiplash, both during opening weekend. Whiplash is my favorite movie I’ve seen this year, and definitely landed itself a spot in my top 10 of all-time. There are no words. It’s that good. Other good moments from NYFF: Accidentally walking past the red carpet for Gone Girl and seeing Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, and Neil Patrick Harris ~in the flesh~, getting a high-five from Miles Teller and yelling in his face, Miles Teller sitting five rows in front of us during Whiplash, and MEETING ETHAN HAWKE!! We were walking behind him, close enough to touch, for ~3 minutes before my friend Maya just had to shake his hand. Cool move by her because he then shook both of our hands, asked us our names, listened to us rave about Boyhood and then told us to have a great night. He is truly a cool dude. He was wearing a baseball hat with a corduroy blazer.

“It is in this release — not in the trite, robotic messages — that Facebook pages of the dead seem like a gift that people like me didn’t have: somewhere to feel less ashamed about not being able to move the fuck on. A preponderance of evidence that the person you loved was once alive and meant something to other people, not just you.”

Another amazing NYC experience was meeting Lena Dunham. While the actual meeting situation was less than ideal (as signing-type M+Gs always are), it was so inspiring to here her speak her words directly in front of me. She’s one of my greatest creative role models, so the opportunity was really unique and wonderful.

“For me, the whole movie is about what it means to be a dad.”


When you’re rich+drunk enough to have people put your hat on for you #justgirlythings



Life is long, people change, I would never be foolish enough to think otherwise. But no matter what, nothing can ever be as it was. Everything has changed in a way that sounds trite and borderline offensive when recounted over coffee. I can never be who I was. I can simply watch her with sympathy, understanding, and some measure of awe. There she goes, backpack on, headed for the subway or the airport. She did her best with her eyeliner. She learned a new word she wants to try out on you. She is ambling along. She is looking for it. – Lena Dunham

Meeting Jon Snow and Ygritte (AKA, The First Time I Cried on the Streets of Manhattan)

The most life-changing event in my entire life occurred less than an hour ago and I still don’t feel I have the words to accurately describe how I feel or how I’m comprehending this moment, but I’m going to try my best to articulate what has just happened. I’m shaken to my core and finding it hard to even speak.

I just met Jon Snow and Ygritte from “Game of Thrones”.

After getting off the subway at Astor Place, me and my gal Giovanna decided to go to Weinstein, a dining court off Washington Square Park, for a late lunch. We’re walking up Broadway and see the Fresh & Co (which I walk past every day) and start talking about how we’ve always wanted to try it and make plans to go tomorrow afternoon.

JK. WE WENT TODAY.

As we walk down Mercer, I look in the window and am immediately struck with chest pains. There, sitting in the window counter, is Kit Harington and Rose Leslie. I knew immediately. It was like a dagger to the heart.

I grabbed Gi’s arm and said, “I need to go.” Later, she will go on to tell me that she thought I either: A) Saw someone I didn’t like and needed to avoid or B) Was having a medical emergency.

We go into Fresh & Co and it is literally the most normal thing in the world. It’s basically a healthy-fast-food place that is cute, total Jon Snow territory. I start ordering a kale salad because I don’t know how to properly process my emotions and feel I need time to sort myself out before making a game plan. This was the most tense moment of my life.

I buy the kale salad (which, at $7, was actually a kind of good price for fucking KALE) and just know if I don’t say anything, I will be filled with dread, regret, anxiety, and just plain ol Joffrey feels for the rest of my life.

I very quietly walked up, let the literally flawless Rose Leslie finish her sentence, and went (as much as I can remember because I was pretty much blacking out from the shock), “I’m so sorry to bother you guys, but I just wanted to say, I’m a huge fan, I’m obsessed with the show (I then turned to Kit), I have your poster in my dorm, and I just love you guys and what you do.”

(This is the poster that hangs on my wall, I cry to it every night)

UGH THEN THEY THANKED ME AND SAID I WAS SWEET AND I WANTED TO DIE INSIDE. I then thanked them for being so perfect, walked outside, sat down on the sidewalk and cried. I couldn’t even speak for a full 5 minutes. GoT is my favorite show, and Jon and Ygritte are my favorite characters, so to say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. I’ve never been so starstruck in my life.

I didn’t ask for a picture because, to be honest, they were laying low, and you could definitely tell. They both had on hats and were talking very quietly and casually. There are no juicy TMZ details — they weren’t cuddling or kissing or anything, but they weren’t sitting in silence. I really hope they’re dating again because they look great together and because JON + YGRITTE 4EVER.

They’re both IMMACULATE. Kit’s hair and beard are just as life-changing as one would assume. I’m so glad I (kind of) played it cool and was able to tell them how much I love Game of Thrones, and in an appropriate way. It’s so nice and meaningful to meet actors who are humble and gracious, and who don’t mind too much being approached! They didn’t make me feel dumb or anything. It was definitely the most surreal moment of my life, I’ve never experienced anything like it, and I hope everyone has a chance to meet people they luv this much.

I ♥ New York

I’ve officially been living in Manhattan for almost 4 weeks and it’s been THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE. I basically get to do everything I’ve always wanted to do when I lived in the suburbs, which includes: walk to Soho, eat amazing food, visit my ladies at the Huffington Post, spend so much money, see celebrities, go to fun tapings, movies and concerts, and live as a strong, independent, sassy bitch. Also, I have to do a lot of school work, but don’t kill my vibe.

To be perfectly cliche, I’M LIVING OUT MY DAMN DREAMS. Hopefully soon Harry Styles will start cooking and cleaning and singing me to sleep in my dorm. Basically, anything can happen in NYC.

Here are some of my favorite things this month:


Say what you will about Kim and Kanye, but they are a POWER COUPLE and their combined style is amazing. F the haters.

“The list of things that keep me up at night includes but is not limited to: appendicitis, typhoid, leprosy, unclean meat, foods I haven’t seen emerge from their packaging, foods my mother hasn’t tasted first so that if we die we die together, homeless people, headaches, rape, kidnapping, milk, the subway, sleep.”

Buzzfeed had an accomplished bartender mix celebrity-inspired drinks. The Taylor Swift is on point.

Feeling oh so #blessed that I get to see the critically-acclaimed Whiplash at the New York Film Festival at the end of this month.

Here’s my take on the selfie: a selfie is the best kind of photo there is, primarily because you can manipulate the camera anyway you want to give you a picture that you’re happy with. People that talk shit about selfies probably just don’t know how to take a good one. Take as many selfies as your heart desires and never apologize!


Brangelina wedding is everything.


I started a new blog recapping every episode of Saved By The Bell. I only have one post as of right now (school is crazy busy) but hopefully this weekend I can get it fully up and running: http://www.bloggedbythebell.com




Last night we went into midtown, ate pizza, saw Ed Sheeran sing “Don’t” live at Radio City Music Hall (my first time ever being there!) and then basically had a night of exploring. New York City is kinda pretty I guess.


I know I blog about him a lot, but Dane Dehaan is on a different damn level as Lucien Carr in Kill Your Darlings.

Matty Healy from The 1975 is one of the most earnest and giving performers. Also he’s drunk as shit and he sounds *amaze* on one of my fave tracks, “Talk”. I swoon.

Last week I met Michael Cera after seeing his Broadway debut, This is Our Youth. It was nice. I’m in love with him.


No.

Tonight I was lucky enough to get tickets to a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman! They made it very clear to us that it’s a big deal to go at this point since it’s Dave’s last season, and not even they know when his last show will be. It was so funny, he’s an incredibly awesome guy, and I got to see my love Mindy Kaling in the flesh. Overall 10/10, would recommend.


“Don’t let people cast you as a side character in your relationships, in your jobs, in your life.”


Get this shit away from me.

My personal mantra

Chris Pratt is my everything, and Guardians of the Galaxy was the film of the damn summer. Don’t ever fight me on this.

Everything has changed and yet I am more me than I’ve ever been. – Iain Thomas