Spring Fever

Even though I hate being vulnerable and admitting to my weaknesses, I’m totally getting an F in life right now. I have no shows I’m binge-watching on Netflix, I’m dehydrated 200% of the time, and my skin is definitely lacking in brightness. Despite all of this, I have found that I am feeling more Pisces than ever and I just bought new bras, which amps life up to an entirely different plane of existence. Also, I’m getting like, 15,000 steps a day according to my Fitbit, so maybe I’m getting more of a C- in life. In any event, things are looking up, it’s almost summer, and majority of people still find me incredibly annoying, so not much as changed.


This weekend, me and Cara went over to Purdue to visit our gal pals and see John Mulaney (my favorite comedian) do his new stand-up show in Indianapolis. Here, me and Abby looking fierce while posing against a wall. I’m still debating whether or not I look skinny in this picture, so I’ll let ya’ll be the judge.

“I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.” 


Last month, I went to Florida for a week of sun, shopping, and SHRIMP with one of my top home girls, Kate, her mom, and her grandma. I reached peak sunburn levels and ate some truly incredible ice cream, and I now feel the Florida sunset in my heart always.


Mad Men is absolutely my favorite TV show of all time! I feel an extremely real, soulful and spiritual connection to pretty much every character — Peggy is my professional aspirations, Megan is my beauty goals, Betty is my bitch icon and Sally is my teenage dream. Also, I am definitely as insane as Michael Ginsberg, if not more?

Current anthem: “Sucker” by Charli XCX


Rihanna at Coachella is what I want to be when I grow up


Broad City is so perfect! I really could wax poetic about this show for hours at a time. Though it’s similar to Girls, I find that the comedy and earnestness of BC allows it to be more relatable. Likewise, its portrayal of female body positivity isn’t so self-serving and blatant — it just is what it is, and what it is is awesome.

Things I feel [100 emoji] about:

– Being Pisces: This is a totally new feeling for me because, for majority of my life, I’ve been very disconnected from the Pisces agenda — and a Buzzfeed quiz once told me I was a Gemini, so that didn’t help the situation. But I’ve found that being a Pisces relies pretty heavily on being deeply emotional but simultaneously emotionless, which pretty much hits the nail on the head when it comes to me. Though I’m definitely not a “go with the flow” water sign type, I’m seeing more of myself in these Tumblr astrology posts when it comes to Pisces, and that’s progress.

– My tan Old Navy booties: These shoes had to have been created by God and then FedEx next-day shipped to Old Navy because they are truly the workings of a higher power. I wear them pretty much every day and am continually impressed by their durability, cuteness, and ability to make my legs look long. The only downside is that they’re a size too big, but that’s my fault, not yours, Old Navy booties. I love you SO much.

– Sharing things on Facebook: I wish more people shared things on their Facebook profiles. In the past month alone, I’ve shared everything from a funny clip from Late Night to the new True Detective promo. Just mere minutes ago, I shared a cute picture of Dave and James Franco. I love enriching others with articles that I find interesting or short videos that are funny. Social media is the Millennials window to the soul, and I want everyone to share their soul with me.

– Dunkin Donuts: There are no words for my obsession with this coffee. I normally go for a medium French Vanilla coffee, black, with two Splendas, but sometimes I go for iced coffee if I’m feeling like a true bitch. Me and Cara sometimes go after work and drink coffee at 10 PM and do homework, and it is truly a delightful space of time to share in a friendship.

– Scott motherfucking Eastwood: I just saw The Longest Ride this afternoon and while it was easily one of the stupidest plots I’ve ever sat through (THAT ENDING!), I feel free admitting I legitimately had tears come to my eyes when I saw this man’s face. I think he transcends all former notions I had of what boys are supposed to look like. I think he is a new species of human. I think we, as the human race, don’t deserve him.


Here I am, the emoji bitch!

I hate Jason Derulo so so much, but this song is magic wrapped in fire sprinkled with diamond dust.


I am deeply troubled by the loss of Zayn Malik from One Direction. However, I guess I can understand why someone would want to escape the drudgery of incredible wealth, millions of hot girls, and the aesthetic beauty of a Greek god. Everyone has their lifestyle preferences. I wish you luck in your new life, Zayn, and, as a boy once told me via Snapchat, “At least Harry is still there.”

“In my head I describe the feeling as a wave, the scouring emptiness, like a shell that has been washed entirely clean of its old mucous self and exists only as an outline of its contents. Eventually even that feeling recedes into a sea of other feelings. Eventually I feel nothing except for myself burning and burning away.”

I found this quote on Tumblr, and I feel so strongly about it: “Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.”


Me in a nutshell.

Year in Review: 2014

I made it another year on this toxic earth!!! Years are so long and I’m so tired of life on a constant basis, but I had so much fun and was happy like a kitten in the sun for most of 2014. Yes, I cry a lot and yes, I’m literally a high-functioning goth, but I’ve been listening to an almost inappropriate amount of Taylor Swift and that kind of balances me out.

Here’s to another year of singing “Blank Space” dramatically when alone in the car, eating deep dish pizza, not changing the months on my calendar ever, and trying to get my friends to hold hands with me in public because I like being held.

My 2014 Year in Review:

The most important thing that happened to me this year, obviously, was leaving for college and starting a brand-new life in New York City. On the grand scale of the world, I see myself as a very small rat, so being in the city is weird.

Other important life changes: Dyed my hair upwards of 10 times, painted my nails the same color for four straight months, wore jeans a lot more than I wanted to, got a variety of intense and unexplained bruises, had to take two showers a day to stay warm, and picked up a new eye twitch in my lower right lid. One thing that remained the same: I am always pale.

I saw so many life-affirming and life-changing pieces of entertainment in 2014:

Boyhood easily became one of my favorite movies of all time. For being such a huge, sprawling film, it still manages to feel very quaint and intimate and personal. I want to wrap myself up in this movie like a warm blanket and just sit there and never ever have to move ever again. That’s how Boyhood makes you feel.

I really like to pimp out my love of Guardians of the Galaxy all over the internet, and in real life, too, because it’s the best Marvel movie of all time! Okay, maybe that’s a big statement, but F what you heard about The Avengers — this squad is prime. Set to a galactic backdrop, it’s the most colorful comic book film in recent memory, with bursts of vibrant purples and greens, and can we talk about the soundtrack? Also, I cried like a little bb when Chris Pratt opened the gift from his dead mom and his sweet eyes filled with tears as “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” played.

Have we discussed how I am Amazing Amy? I am such a crazy bitch! I want to Gone Girl myself! Amy Dunne gets such a bad rep for being an insane murderer, but I kind of think she’s fierce as hell (disclaimer: not promoting murderers here, just appreciate a powerful woman). Gone Girl wasn’t just a highlight of my year — it changed my life.

This is also one of my most favorite scenes ever in a movie (but Whiplash is filled with gripping, memorable scenes that I wish I could play over and over for the rest of my life):

2014 was also cool because we had FOUR SNOW DAYS!!!! Remembering this is very weird, because knowing I was still in high school for most of last year is very weird. Life is very weird! I’m very weird! And that’s why I’ll probably never find love.

Speaking of never finding love, 2014 was THE YEAR OF THE JUICE CLEANSE. For three days last January, I put my life and well-being on the line in the name of liquid kale, and it was both magical and deathly. I did it two times again later in the year, and here is my pro-tip: DON’T DO IT.

Amazing TV shows I binge-watched in 2014Veep, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, True Detective, Girls, Moone Boy, 30 Rock, Scrubs. Socially, I think this was the year I peaked!

Some things in pop culture that made me LOL/cry this year:

– Zac Efron breaking his jaw after “slipping on water from the fountain in his house”

– Justin Bieber getting arrested

– Pharrell’s hat

– The McConnaisance

– The Lego Movie

– Almost anything Selena Gomez did

– Bob Costas having pink eye while doing Sochi coverage, Sochi coverage, Sochi in general

– Barkhad Abdi

– The Oscars selfie that no one even offered to photoshop me into

– ADELE DAZEEM

– When Frank Ocean squared up against Chipotle

– Zac Efron getting in a punching brawl with a homeless man on Skid Row in LA

– Being so annoyed during every second of The Fault In Our Stars and then crying like a big idiot for a few hours after it ended

– Everyone finally realizing that How I Met Your Mother is pretty much the shittiest thing on television

– Conscious uncoupling

– Lindsay Lohan’s sex list being real

– Adam Driver running a fight club while in high school

– The new adorable little rolling droid from Star Wars VII

– Ben Affleck getting kicked out of a casino for counting cards

– When James Franco literally stopped giving a damn

– The amount of time it took for Johnny Football to be drafted to the Browns, Johnny Football and everything he chooses to be

– Zac Efron’s character in Neighbors having an entire season of Girls saved to his DVR

– When Solange squared up against Jay Z in the elevator

– Miles Teller doing the same juice cleanse as me (S/O TO SUJA!)

– That moment when I found out Eddie Redmayne was playing Stephen Hawking and I was so confused but then I saw The Theory of Everything and cried a million tears

– Rob Kardashian not attending Kim’s wedding 😦 BUT THE KIMYE WEDDING IN GENERAL!!!

– 2/5 of One Direction smokin weed and filming it

– Harry Styles becoming a kabalist because of course that makes sense

– Miley Cyrus going absolutely insane over the death of her dog Floyd

– Chris Martin ending his vegetarianism post-breakup from GOOP

– Jonah Hill officiating Adam Levine’s wedding

– Chris Pratt french braiding hair

– KIM K HOLLYWOOD THE BEST IPHONE GAME OF OUR TIME

– Justin Bieber nominating Obama for the Ice Bucket Challenge

– Hello Kitty being a girl and not a cat

– Brangelina wedding

– Every single fucking thing Ariana Grande did

– Pete Davidson

– Marnie the Dog’s rise to fame

– Nicki Minaj’s new album

– PETER PAN LIVE

– Kate Middleton getting pregnant again

– Taylor Swift’s birthday party

– And everything that occurred with The Interview, INCLUDING The Interview itself.

One of my favorite things in 2014 were my friends. Never before have I been included in a group of people who are so unabashedly supportive and loving, and I’m constantly worried that my self-hatred/pessimism/angst is too much for them (LOL). Every time I screw up (all the time!) they are the first people to send a heart emoji or get ice cream with me. Because of what they do for me, I’m able to start being better to myself, and that’s also a change in my life. I am so unironically #blessed to be loved in this way, and I hope in 2015, I can be a better friend to them.

IMG_3791

Maybe this is weird to talk about because weight is “weird” but I lost 25 pounds in 2014 between July and December (but I didn’t actually start actively trying to lose weight until October)! Honestly, it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I legitimately think I am addicted to food, but I’m sure it’ll be “rewarding” in the long run. I also feel more beautiful so I guess that’s good! But don’t worry, my self-confidence is still very very low, almost nonexistent.

Taylor Swift has obviously run my life since I was 11-years-old, but I think she hit me hardest in 2014. 1989 is one of the most bombass albums of our generation, and it has changed me into the woman I am today. The song I feel most strongly about is (duh) “Blank Space,” because I am very emotional when it comes to boys and their Snapchat best friends. Also, for the first time, I feel like I can relate to Taylor Swift songs, which is literally insane because how could I ever relate to a Taylor Swift song, I am not a small white cat or someone who is worthy of being loved.

2014 was also the year I went to three One Direction concerts, and it was a delight. I hope I am at a level of being in which no one can make fun of me for how much I love One Direction anymore, since I am so confident and forthcoming in my passion for Harry Styles and his long flowing hair. Why is his hair nicer than me? How much does his shampoo cost? Is it Yves Saint Laurent like everything else he owns?

Overall, 2014 was a pretty great year, and though filled with ups and downs, I will treasure it in my heart forever. 2015 has already been the hardest year of my life (AND WE’RE ONLY A MONTH IN, SO IT CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE, RIGHT? NO I’M NOT SWEATING) so being able to look back on fun memories fills my heart with joy, like I’ve just eaten a Portillo’s chopped salad. Thanks to everyone who supported me in 2014, whether it was with school work, reading my blog or my articles, responding to my Snapchats or complimenting me on my tweets; your support means the absolute world to me always. A lot of people often say to me, “I wish I had your life!!!” but trust me, my feet are always cold and I once awkwardly yelled, “MILES TELLER, CAN I HAVE A HIGH-FIVE????”

Happy 2015!

IMG_3247

~ Fall Feelings ~

The idea of fall is so good. Like, SO GOOD, guys! But right now I’m wearing a flannel shirt and sweating and also thinking about pizza so, really, is it even fall at all?

I’m weirdly beginning to feel feelings that I’ve never felt before (maybe I’m just emoting for the first time ever?) and I’m wondering if I’m finally reaching some sort of “adult” status. For example, I was home in Illinois this weekend, and it was great, but there was definitely something weird going on. I felt like I was in someone else’s house, trying to live someone else’s life. I’m pretty sure this is what Wife Swap feels like. The first night I was home, my friends came over and we all talked about our brand new lives, and after they left, I felt like crying. WE’RE JUST ALL LIVING BRAND NEW LIVES, OKAY? IT’S SO CONFUSING.

I’m definitely falling into the situation where “home” is a completely new concept. Is New York City my home, or is Glen Ellyn? I don’t know how to do this, but I’m glad that I get to figure it all out in the best place on Earth. Walking through the city is the most sacred thing to me. Especially when it’s raining and I’m listening to Taylor Swift and thinking about all my life’s mistakes.

Anyways, maybe once it stops being sweaty in the subway, I’ll be able to experience the autumnal vibes. Until then:


Literally me.

My favorite New York experience so far is 100% the New York Film Festival. The atmosphere is like nothing you’ve ever experienced, industry greats are literally EVERYWHERE, and you get the opportunity to see some amazing films. It really is the reason Lincoln Center is my favorite place in the city. I was lucky enough to snag a last-minute ticket to the world premiere of Gone Girl (absolutely life-changing) and a ticket (with a surprise Q+A!!!) to Whiplash, both during opening weekend. Whiplash is my favorite movie I’ve seen this year, and definitely landed itself a spot in my top 10 of all-time. There are no words. It’s that good. Other good moments from NYFF: Accidentally walking past the red carpet for Gone Girl and seeing Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, and Neil Patrick Harris ~in the flesh~, getting a high-five from Miles Teller and yelling in his face, Miles Teller sitting five rows in front of us during Whiplash, and MEETING ETHAN HAWKE!! We were walking behind him, close enough to touch, for ~3 minutes before my friend Maya just had to shake his hand. Cool move by her because he then shook both of our hands, asked us our names, listened to us rave about Boyhood and then told us to have a great night. He is truly a cool dude. He was wearing a baseball hat with a corduroy blazer.

“It is in this release — not in the trite, robotic messages — that Facebook pages of the dead seem like a gift that people like me didn’t have: somewhere to feel less ashamed about not being able to move the fuck on. A preponderance of evidence that the person you loved was once alive and meant something to other people, not just you.”

Another amazing NYC experience was meeting Lena Dunham. While the actual meeting situation was less than ideal (as signing-type M+Gs always are), it was so inspiring to here her speak her words directly in front of me. She’s one of my greatest creative role models, so the opportunity was really unique and wonderful.

“For me, the whole movie is about what it means to be a dad.”


When you’re rich+drunk enough to have people put your hat on for you #justgirlythings



Life is long, people change, I would never be foolish enough to think otherwise. But no matter what, nothing can ever be as it was. Everything has changed in a way that sounds trite and borderline offensive when recounted over coffee. I can never be who I was. I can simply watch her with sympathy, understanding, and some measure of awe. There she goes, backpack on, headed for the subway or the airport. She did her best with her eyeliner. She learned a new word she wants to try out on you. She is ambling along. She is looking for it. – Lena Dunham