I made it another year on this toxic earth!!! Years are so long and I’m so tired of life on a constant basis, but I had so much fun and was happy like a kitten in the sun for most of 2014. Yes, I cry a lot and yes, I’m literally a high-functioning goth, but I’ve been listening to an almost inappropriate amount of Taylor Swift and that kind of balances me out.
Here’s to another year of singing “Blank Space” dramatically when alone in the car, eating deep dish pizza, not changing the months on my calendar ever, and trying to get my friends to hold hands with me in public because I like being held.
My 2014 Year in Review:
The most important thing that happened to me this year, obviously, was leaving for college and starting a brand-new life in New York City. On the grand scale of the world, I see myself as a very small rat, so being in the city is weird.
Other important life changes: Dyed my hair upwards of 10 times, painted my nails the same color for four straight months, wore jeans a lot more than I wanted to, got a variety of intense and unexplained bruises, had to take two showers a day to stay warm, and picked up a new eye twitch in my lower right lid. One thing that remained the same: I am always pale.
I saw so many life-affirming and life-changing pieces of entertainment in 2014:
Boyhood easily became one of my favorite movies of all time. For being such a huge, sprawling film, it still manages to feel very quaint and intimate and personal. I want to wrap myself up in this movie like a warm blanket and just sit there and never ever have to move ever again. That’s how Boyhood makes you feel.
I really like to pimp out my love of Guardians of the Galaxy all over the internet, and in real life, too, because it’s the best Marvel movie of all time! Okay, maybe that’s a big statement, but F what you heard about The Avengers — this squad is prime. Set to a galactic backdrop, it’s the most colorful comic book film in recent memory, with bursts of vibrant purples and greens, and can we talk about the soundtrack? Also, I cried like a little bb when Chris Pratt opened the gift from his dead mom and his sweet eyes filled with tears as “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” played.
Have we discussed how I am Amazing Amy? I am such a crazy bitch! I want to Gone Girl myself! Amy Dunne gets such a bad rep for being an insane murderer, but I kind of think she’s fierce as hell (disclaimer: not promoting murderers here, just appreciate a powerful woman). Gone Girl wasn’t just a highlight of my year — it changed my life.
This is also one of my most favorite scenes ever in a movie (but Whiplash is filled with gripping, memorable scenes that I wish I could play over and over for the rest of my life):
2014 was also cool because we had FOUR SNOW DAYS!!!! Remembering this is very weird, because knowing I was still in high school for most of last year is very weird. Life is very weird! I’m very weird! And that’s why I’ll probably never find love.
Speaking of never finding love, 2014 was THE YEAR OF THE JUICE CLEANSE. For three days last January, I put my life and well-being on the line in the name of liquid kale, and it was both magical and deathly. I did it two times again later in the year, and here is my pro-tip: DON’T DO IT.
Amazing TV shows I binge-watched in 2014: Veep, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, True Detective, Girls, Moone Boy, 30 Rock, Scrubs. Socially, I think this was the year I peaked!
Some things in pop culture that made me LOL/cry this year:
– Zac Efron breaking his jaw after “slipping on water from the fountain in his house”
– Justin Bieber getting arrested
– Pharrell’s hat
– The McConnaisance
– The Lego Movie
– Almost anything Selena Gomez did
– Bob Costas having pink eye while doing Sochi coverage, Sochi coverage, Sochi in general
– Barkhad Abdi
– The Oscars selfie that no one even offered to photoshop me into
– ADELE DAZEEM
– When Frank Ocean squared up against Chipotle
– Zac Efron getting in a punching brawl with a homeless man on Skid Row in LA
– Being so annoyed during every second of The Fault In Our Stars and then crying like a big idiot for a few hours after it ended
– Everyone finally realizing that How I Met Your Mother is pretty much the shittiest thing on television
– Conscious uncoupling
– Lindsay Lohan’s sex list being real
– Adam Driver running a fight club while in high school
– The new adorable little rolling droid from Star Wars VII
– Ben Affleck getting kicked out of a casino for counting cards
– When James Franco literally stopped giving a damn
– The amount of time it took for Johnny Football to be drafted to the Browns, Johnny Football and everything he chooses to be
– Zac Efron’s character in Neighbors having an entire season of Girls saved to his DVR
– When Solange squared up against Jay Z in the elevator
– Miles Teller doing the same juice cleanse as me (S/O TO SUJA!)
– That moment when I found out Eddie Redmayne was playing Stephen Hawking and I was so confused but then I saw The Theory of Everything and cried a million tears
– Rob Kardashian not attending Kim’s wedding 😦 BUT THE KIMYE WEDDING IN GENERAL!!!
– 2/5 of One Direction smokin weed and filming it
– Harry Styles becoming a kabalist because of course that makes sense
– Miley Cyrus going absolutely insane over the death of her dog Floyd
– Chris Martin ending his vegetarianism post-breakup from GOOP
– Jonah Hill officiating Adam Levine’s wedding
– Chris Pratt french braiding hair
– KIM K HOLLYWOOD THE BEST IPHONE GAME OF OUR TIME
– Justin Bieber nominating Obama for the Ice Bucket Challenge
– Hello Kitty being a girl and not a cat
– Brangelina wedding
– Every single fucking thing Ariana Grande did
– Pete Davidson
– Marnie the Dog’s rise to fame
– Nicki Minaj’s new album
– PETER PAN LIVE
– Kate Middleton getting pregnant again
– Taylor Swift’s birthday party
– And everything that occurred with The Interview, INCLUDING The Interview itself.
One of my favorite things in 2014 were my friends. Never before have I been included in a group of people who are so unabashedly supportive and loving, and I’m constantly worried that my self-hatred/pessimism/angst is too much for them (LOL). Every time I screw up (all the time!) they are the first people to send a heart emoji or get ice cream with me. Because of what they do for me, I’m able to start being better to myself, and that’s also a change in my life. I am so unironically #blessed to be loved in this way, and I hope in 2015, I can be a better friend to them.
Maybe this is weird to talk about because weight is “weird” but I lost 25 pounds in 2014 between July and December (but I didn’t actually start actively trying to lose weight until October)! Honestly, it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I legitimately think I am addicted to food, but I’m sure it’ll be “rewarding” in the long run. I also feel more beautiful so I guess that’s good! But don’t worry, my self-confidence is still very very low, almost nonexistent.
Taylor Swift has obviously run my life since I was 11-years-old, but I think she hit me hardest in 2014. 1989 is one of the most bombass albums of our generation, and it has changed me into the woman I am today. The song I feel most strongly about is (duh) “Blank Space,” because I am very emotional when it comes to boys and their Snapchat best friends. Also, for the first time, I feel like I can relate to Taylor Swift songs, which is literally insane because how could I ever relate to a Taylor Swift song, I am not a small white cat or someone who is worthy of being loved.
2014 was also the year I went to three One Direction concerts, and it was a delight. I hope I am at a level of being in which no one can make fun of me for how much I love One Direction anymore, since I am so confident and forthcoming in my passion for Harry Styles and his long flowing hair. Why is his hair nicer than me? How much does his shampoo cost? Is it Yves Saint Laurent like everything else he owns?
Overall, 2014 was a pretty great year, and though filled with ups and downs, I will treasure it in my heart forever. 2015 has already been the hardest year of my life (AND WE’RE ONLY A MONTH IN, SO IT CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE, RIGHT? NO I’M NOT SWEATING) so being able to look back on fun memories fills my heart with joy, like I’ve just eaten a Portillo’s chopped salad. Thanks to everyone who supported me in 2014, whether it was with school work, reading my blog or my articles, responding to my Snapchats or complimenting me on my tweets; your support means the absolute world to me always. A lot of people often say to me, “I wish I had your life!!!” but trust me, my feet are always cold and I once awkwardly yelled, “MILES TELLER, CAN I HAVE A HIGH-FIVE????”