USPS is ruining my life

I’m going to keep this as brief as I can. USPS, what are you doing to me? Are you trying to make every day of my life miserable? Is this your one goal?

It began in November 2012. After receiving the news that I would be getting a signed One Direction CD for being fab, I would dash to the mailbox every day in hopes that my album would be waiting with a personalized message from each member of the band and a lock of their hair and backstage passes and a kiss or something, but it NEVER CAME. I would sigh in exasperation every time I shuffled through the mail. I wasn’t blaming One Direction’s management for forgetting me (which THEY DID), but I was blaming USPS. How could they be so stupid and not send me my CD? Those bitches!

Today, I write from a similar place. My January Welcome Birchbox was supposed to arrive today, and all I got was an issue of Teen Vogue (which I was excited for, but I was really expecting a box full of high-end makeup samples). Likewise, I finally decided to grow a pair and email the woman who got me in contact with One Direction’s management, and she told me that MY CD SHOULD’VE CAME BY NOW. I’m such an idiot! And yet, I still blame USPS. Shuffle the mail faster!!!

I think I harbor so much anger towards the United States Postal Service because I don’t want to be upset with either One Direction or Birchbox. They are renowned brands/companies, and who am I to be all sassy with them? But USPS is a gripe-worthy government run facility, and if you’re complaining about the government, then you’re just joining the majority of the United States. I’m officially a real American!

But really, USPS. Pick up the slack.

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